Oral Dilemma: Matters of Import

When it rains in pours. Is it not enough  to have to bury her mom? What fresh hell is this?

Oral Dilemma:

Matters of Import

by 

Ellie Mack  

Read Part 1 here. 

Read Part 2 here. 

Read Part 3 here.

Read Part 4 here. 

Read part 5 here.  
Read part 6 here.
Read part 7 here.  
Read part 8 here. 
Read part 9 here.
Read part 10 here.  
Read part 11 here. 

 

 “Roxy, it’s time to go honey.” Dad stepped into the living room placing his hand on my shoulder lightly. At least he had the sense to not bring Tammy with him. She had lasted a whole four months so far. He was more shook up over mom’s death than I figured he would be. 

“OK dad.” I moved the phone down to my lap to answer him, before he moved down the hall to hurry Tara along. I sighed. This was almost surreal, it still seemed like a bad dream. I looked at the phone disappointed that Luke wouldn’t be able to attend, but knew there was no way he could make the funeral now. I’m sure he’ll understand. It couldn’t be helped I suppose. I’d make sure to stop and get his favorite treats on my way to the hospital after the funeral. Another sigh escaped as I raised the phone back up. “Mrs. Reed, I’ll get the details in a bit. We’ve got to leave for the funeral now. I’ll call you back at this number as soon as I get a chance then you can give me the details. Tell him I’ll be there as soon as I can get away.”

“Roxanne, you don’t understand. It's”

It was all I heard before I ended the call. Of course I didn’t understand. Of course! Suddenly, I was furious. I didn’t understand why my boyfriend, my fiancee’ couldn’t be with me to support me when I needed him the most. I didn't blame him of course but the fates that seemed to plot against me. I didn’t understand why no one else seemed to care that my mother was being buried today. I didn’t understand how things could go from such a good place in my life to devastation in such a short time. I didn’t understand why my mom was dead!

The tears came unbidden now. I couldn’t stop them. I swiped at my face. Angry that my mascara was already running. Angry that I had to ride in the car with dad. Angry that he left her in the first place. Angry that he was bunny hopping with bimbos while mom slowly died. Angry that he wasn’t there for me or for Tara. Angry that Luke wasn’t coming,  that I couldn't hold his hand or lean on his shoulder. 

Through the veil of tears I punched out a message. Luke baby, I’m sorry I can’t come right this minute. Mom’s funeral is just about to start. I’ll be on the road as soon as I can. Love you! Maybe I’ll play nurse for you back at the apartment.

My breath hitched, feeling almost suffocated as I clenched my eyes shut. “GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! I screamed it inside my head. I stared out the passenger window as we traveled in silence. Tara fidgeted with a dozen things from her purse, changed earrings three times, and checked her makeup four more. Dad drove in stone-faced silence.

Tara turned in her seat and asked “Rox, do these earrings match the dress?”

I nodded. I didn’t dare speak. The anger roiled inside me threatening to spill over. Angry at dad, at Tara, at Luke, at mom, at God! How could He let this happen? It wasn’t fair!

Dad pulled into the spot next to the hearse. I stared at it remembering Luke’s story of climbing into a casket. Wanting desperately to express to him my sudden understanding at why he did it. It no longer seemed creepy. It seemed sensible, logical, rational. Staring at the death wagon, I wondered what it felt like staring out of a casket. I wondered if I would get breast cancer.

Dad had opened the door and practically pulled me from the car as I stared at the hearse. As if in slow motion we walked into the funeral parlor moving to the front row. It was a small gathering: friends, family, coworkers. Aunt Marge turned me into her embrace whispering in my ear as she hugged me tightly. “Oh Roxy honey. I’m so sorry about your mom. You girls can come stay with me if you’d like.”

It wasn’t until we were riding in the car on the way to the cemetery when the impact of her statement hit me. Mom’s house would be sold. I was a legal adult but what about Tara? My mind raced with things Dad had said, things I was going to have to do, would have to choose. Decisions he was going to make. I replayed all of it in my mental recorder listening closer this time.

I did the mental checklist: clean out the house, sell the house, ‘You girls can move in with Aunt Marge or Aunt Carol and still stay with me in the summers.’ We weren’t welcome to move in with him?

“Dad?” My eyes dry for the first time in a couple hours.

“Yeah squirt?” He responded turning to me. He looked older and more tired than I had ever seen him.

“Why did you say we can move in with Aunt Marge or Carol, but not with you until summer?” Tara sat at the kitchen table listening. She was looking down at her glass of soda, didn’t turn, but I knew she was listening because suddenly her back was straight and that soda seemed all too interesting. 

“ Um well, Roxy honey.” He cleared his throat. “You see, Tammy just moved in and I’d like for us to have a chance together, and my job has been really demanding lately. Been spending a lot of time traveling and that would put you two there with her most of the time. I don't think she's ready to be a mom just yet.” 

I could see what was more important. “Never mind. Tara can move in with me. I’m an adult. We’ve got each other. We’ve always got each other. Go back to Tammy. Or Barbara, or Susie, or whatever the hell your next flavor of the month is. I don’t even care anymore. Mom was right!” I leaped to my feet and practically ran to my room to get my bag. I couldn’t stuff the things in fast enough.

He was at my door, leaning against the door frame. “Pumpkin, you’ve got it all wrong.”

“Do I dad? Do I?” I continued stuffing the bag, not folding anything. I grabbed the largest piece of my luggage from the top of my closet wheeling it to Tara’s room. “Pack up sis, you’re coming with me! NOW!”

Tara jumped, a little startled and practically ran to her room grabbing the suitcase, stuffing fast and furious.

“I understand a whole lot more than you’ve ever given me credit for. I understand that mom loved you to the day she died. She hoped that you’d wake up but you never have. I understand that even though you cheated on her with different women before you divorced, that she still was willing to stick it out with you. I understand that you’ve never been there for us, that summer visits with you were tolerated. You’re our biological father, but you certainly haven’t been our dad.”

“ Roxanne! You will not talk to me like that!”

“Oh? Won’t I? I think I just did. What’s the matter pop? Hitting a little too close to home? We don’t understand like Tammy does?” I zipped the duffel closed and began packing the next one. “Mom left this house to Tara and me. I think it’s time you left.”

I glared at him, furious with years of pent up anger and frustrations. Angry that he’d never been there. Angry that he wanted to arrange things for us now so it would be convenient for him and he’d still not be responsible. “I checked the paperwork, the deed, the accounts are all POD,TOD, and benefactors. Mom had everything taken care of when she first got the diagnosis. She has it all in the safety deposit box, and with her lawyer. So don’t worry, she handled all the responsibility - again.”

He slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a big hole. “Dammit Roxanne! It’s not just that easy. You don’t know what goes on in my life.” 

“You’re right dad, I don’t. We’ve never been a part of your life so how would we know?” 

A part of me inside was screaming to stop, while my mouth kept going. A part of me just wanted to scream at him “why don’t you love your little girls?” Another part of me never wanted to see him again. I was so hurt, so scared, I didn’t know what we were going to do, but I knew things weren’t going to change with him. 

“I’ll be sending you the bill for repairs to our house. Now I think it’s time you left.”

I’m not proud of my temper, it makes me say things I shouldn’t. Things that are often better left unsaid. As I watched him, I saw an expression I’d never seen before. Regret? Remorse? Anger? Hurt? I wasn’t sure exactly what it was but the broken man that trudged out the door was not the arrogant jerk he’d been a few minutes before.

I followed him out locking the door behind him. I hated it when I said such hurtful things, hated that I‘d let my emotions get the better of me. 

Tara stepped out of her room, “He leave? Without even saying goodbye?”

I nodded.

Her tears began to flow as she turned back to finish packing.

There was so many things I needed to sort out and didn’t even know where to begin. I grabbed the cooler and began shoving things in it from the fridge. When the cooler was full. I filled a box with things from the cupboard. I was on the third box when Tara said she was ready.

We loaded the car in silence, the backseat and trunk stuffed to maximum capacity. As I locked the house, a sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. 

I drove straight through to the hospital, stopping at the information desk. When I asked the lady what room Luke Reed was in, she said she couldn’t find him. After arguing with her for a few minutes I decided to call Mrs. Reed. Mrs. Reed- it was soon going to be my name as well.

“Hey Mrs. Reed. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t come sooner. I’m at the information desk at the hospital. Clara  here says she has no record of Luke. Can you tell me what room he’s in?”

“Roxanne honey. I tried to explain before. I’ll meet you in the little cafe just down the hall, OK?”

“Sure thing Mrs. Reed.”

“Please honey, call me Linda.”

Oral Dilemma: Murphy

 You have to wonder when things  go  smoothly, it's almost a given setup for disaster. Murphy was an optimist!  Circumstances are always subject to change. 

Oral Dilemma: Murphy

by

Ellie Mack 

Read Part 1 here. 

Read Part 2 here. 

Read Part 3 here.

Read Part 4 here. 

Read part 5 here.  
Read part 6 here.
Read part 7 here.  
Read part 8 here. 
Read part 9 here.
Read part 10 here. 

  Things were in full swing the day we returned to classes. Luke had two more matches scheduled; one in April the other the first week of June just after finals. We trained, attended classes, and barely had time for anything else.

   Luke landed a job with Cyberpro Corporation, a company that made vitamins, supplements, and holistic food products. Luke not only got the position on the legal representatives team, but he also won a spokesperson gig filming six commercials that ran on television and ran on the loop of ads that would roll on the TV monitors in the health food stores. He made a guest appearance at the Home and Garden Extravaganza. A brief exhibition match to display some of his trademark moves had the crowd on their feet cheering before he ever took the mike to promote the products. There were record sales that day! 

   In addition to that, thanks to Luke they had the women’s exhibition match as well. I got in the ring with Nora Winston; the lady I was next scheduled to fight. We agreed that there would be no rough stuff, just exhibition. Someone needs to explain to that bitch the difference between exhibition and the real deal! I came away with bruised ribs and a busted lip. I saw the smirk that crossed her lips when the announcer touted the next match and not to miss this brewing rivalry. I wanted to cut loose on her right then and there as she had taken several cheap shots. But I didn’t because this was Luke’s day. 

   The company held a formal dinner and dance for their employees the last week of June. Luke rented a tuxedo, and I splurged to buy a really nice formal dress. It was  crystal blue with a beaded bodice, sleek and hugged my body like a glove.  I felt amazingly sexy in it.  It was in many respects  like attending prom but without the high school drama. An elegant dinner with a string quartet playing was followed by a live band in the grand ballroom where awards were handed out. Luke won a week vacation in the Bahamas at the Atlantis Paradise Towers resort for 5 days.SQUEAL!

   We scheduled it for the beginning of August, before school started for us - undergraduate classes for me, law school classes for Luke. We figured it was between mom’s chemotherapy and school, we could use the down time before our lives picked  back up to a full throttle. 

   The last week and a half of July was a blur. Between work and trips home to the hospital, I was exhausted. Luke normally went with me, but Cyberpro had sent him to a week-long training seminar in Los Angeles. I sat at mom’s bedside with Tara. Mom went downhill really fast. She was weak, had lost a great deal of weight, had lost her hair, and hadn’t been fully conscious in two days. She turned to me that last time and smiled, almost awake and squeezed my hand. Something in the pit of my stomach knew but as I held her hand watching the heart monitor slowly fade until a flat line appeared, it was still shocking. 

   How? Why? It wasn’t fair! She was a good woman! She worked hard and never seemed to catch a break. I sat there dumbfounded holding her hand as she slipped from our world, slipped from my life, still holding her now cold hand when the nurse came in, sitting with tears streaming down my face. I hadn’t even bothered to waken Tara. My world just caved in and I couldn’t breath. 

   The nurse pried my hand from hers and I screamed “NO! You can’t take her from me!”

   Reality became irrelevant, surreal. This can't be happening!  It's only a bad dream! No!  When Luke called I told him she was gone. He ended up talking with the nurse instead of me as I was mostly incoherent, fighting desperately against the truth, wanting it to  be a cruel joke.  

   We were driven to the funeral parlor. Someone had called Grandma and dad. They arrived shortly after we did and helped answer the important questions. Tara said nothing during the whole ordeal, her face pale, her eyes glazed.  When we had to select caskets, she touched the side of the one we agreed on and burst into tears then  turned to me, her head buried against my shoulders.  We stood sobbing, holding each other with that final impact that the casket made.  I think dad drove us to  mom's house, I don't remember for certain.

   Luke’s plane was scheduled to arrive one hour before the funeral. I sat numbly in mom’s house in a simple black dress. I felt guilty because I didn’t go buy  a new one, I’d spent my money on the fancy gown for Luke’s company gig. I just took one of mom’s dresses from her closet. It was one of her favorites, black chiffon over a simple black silk chemise with a scoop necked bodice, and cap sleeves. A simple black satin ribbon below the bust on an empire waist.  It was one of my favorites of mom's as well. It was oddly comforting.  I sat calmly waiting for Luke to arrive. Normally I’d have rushed to the airport but given the circumstances I was in no shape to drive. 

   Tara tried one dress on then the other, fussing over why none of them were right. I was getting antsy waiting on Luke. I couldn’t wait to be in his arms, leaning into his big warm chest. Then my phone rang. It wasn’t a number I recognized so I almost didn’t answer it but curiosity got the better of me.

   It was Luke’s mom Linda Reed. Of course Luke must have told her about my mom. ”Oh hi Mrs. Reed. I was just waiting on Luke to arrive from the airport to go to my mother’s funeral.”

   “Roxanne, honey. I . . .” Her voice broke on the other end.

   “It’s OK Mrs. Reed. We knew she had cancer, knew she was going downhill.”

   “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. It isn’t that. It’s Luke. There’s been an accident.”

---

Oral Dilemma: Velvet and Sorbet

It seems things are falling into place for Roxanne. Every rose has it's thorn though, and it seems  fate has dealt her some bad cards. 

Oral Dilemma:

Velvet and Sorbet

by 

Ellie Mack

Read Part 1 here. 

Read Part 2 here. 

Read Part 3 here.

Read Part 4 here. 

Read part 5 here.  
Read part 6 here.
Read part 7 here.  
Read part 8 here. 
Read part 9 here. 
 

  Luke and I worked together to make one of our special meals to share with Tara and mom. Luke was amazing in the kitchen and I think I learned more from him than I had from mom. We flowed smoothly like a choreographed dance. He seasoned the salmon fillets and prepared the stuffed zucchini for the grill while I chopped the veggies for the stuffing and tossed the salad. As he would step behind me to return the seasonings to the cabinet, his arm would snake around my waist and he’d nibble on my neck or ear.

By the time mom arrived home from work we had everything ready, and the salmon was just ready to take from the grill. She eagerly hugged me, her eyes welling with tears as she said “I thought you weren’t coming home till after finals.”

Luke came up behind me at that moment and I couldn’t help but blush. “Well, um mom. We wanted to surprise you.”

Luke served her a generous plate full, she seemed to have dropped twenty pounds at least; she really was quite thin. I poured the Pinot Grigio while Luke filled our plates. Mom picked at her food not eating much of it.

“Don’t you like it? I can fix you something else mom, if you don’t.”

She sighed and set down her fork. She raised her hands, holding her head in her hands for a bit. “It’s not that Roxy. It all looks and tastes lovely. It’s better than I’ve had at restaurants. It’s just.”

I could see the worry on her face. “Tara told me about the cancer mom. You don’t have to hide it from me. She was worried about you.” I reached over to squeeze her hand. As I did her eyes welled with tears.

“ Oh damn. Roxy I.” Her lip quivered a bit before she could continue. Then with a big sigh “ It’s not like I was trying to hide it from you. I didn’t want to worry you.” She gave an awkward little laugh. “I mean when is a good time to tell your kids, hey girls mom has breast cancer and I’m gonna have to get my boobs cut off.”

The tears flowed. “I’ve already started the chemo, but I’m going to stop.”

“Mom! NO! You need it.”

“NO, Roxy. I just came from the doctor’s office, and I'd have to have a radical mastectomy.” She slammed the wine. Luke poured her some more. “It’s stage 4 Rox. I’m a nurse, I’ve cared for patients for years. Ha.” The awkward little laugh again. “Well on the bright side, there’s no point in a mastectomy.”

She stood pacing around the room. ”Not a conversation I ever envisioned having with my girls. Tara doesn’t even know about this part, I just found out. She swiped at her eyes turning away taking deep breaths. ”It’s spread beyond my lymph nodes. It’s spread to my bones and brain now Roxy. Doctor Meehan gave me 6 to 9 months.” She swiped her eyes again then returned to the table and took a few more bites.

“It really is good. I’ve just been so upset. Not easy hearing bad news like this.” She nibbled a few bites of everything. “Luke, where did you learn to cook like this? I hope you’re better at teaching Roxy to cook than I was. Afraid I was always working and didn’t take the time to . . . “ She trailed off taking a few more bites.

“It’s OK mom. I wasn’t the best student. Always wanted to spend my time on other things. Luke has really helped me to cook healthy foods, not that junk food I used to eat.”

We sat in silence for a short time before Luke and I began to clear the table. I came back with the special bottle of Velvet White wine that we’d bought to announce our engagement. I filled our glasses while Luke brought in the special dessert that he’d made; fresh peach mango sorbet.

“Wow! What is this? What’s going on?” Mom asked as Luke set hers in front of her.

“Well Mrs. Winters, Sharon. I was hoping to butter you up and get on your good side before I asked your permission to marry your daughter.”

“Tara? NO way! She’s only 16.” I could see the mischievous grin as she sipped her dessert wine.

“Mom! Stop it! Luke doesn’t know what a jokester you are.”

Both of us looking at Luke at that point seeing the flustered bewilderment that crossed his face.

“I know. Tara texted me. Said you had on a ring.” She grinned as she winked at Luke. “Any man that can cook like this and make my daughter so obviously happy is welcome.”

She reached for my hand. “ Now give over and let me see it. I’ve been dying to get a good look at it since I got the text.”

The rest of the evening was spent with idle chit chat, catching up and discussing plans for the summer and of course planning a wedding.

Luke was attentive to mom’s needs for the rest of the evening until she dozed off in the chair and decided she had to call it quits.

We stayed up watching a movie for a little longer wrapped in the soft cotton throw, Luke’s arms wrapped around me. Tender kisses were interspersed throughout the movie, until I fell asleep, safe in his arms knowing that whatever life threw at me I could manage it as long as I had Luke.