All I want.... Finale by Cathy Brockman

 Are you ready for the Finale? Brace yourself!!

All I want…Finale

The next couple months flew by. Jimmy and I can’t get enough of each other. He makes me feel so alive. So wanted.

“I am glad you took my advice and went to see a doctor.” Jerry slips his hand down his pants and adjusts himself or scratches before sitting down at the table.

“Pour me a cup of coffee will ya?” He flips open the newspaper and starts reading.

I want to pour the coffee on your head.

“What do you mean doctor?” Sitting the coffee in front of him the realization strikes me like lightning.

“Uhhh, Yeah. You could say something has made me feel much better.” There! I didn’t lie.

“I’m glad you’re finally getting out of the house. You were really becoming one hell of a bitch.” He takes a sip of the coffee, dribbling a bit onto the paper.

I glare at him in disgust. It’s a wonder the paper doesn’t burst into flames as hot as my stare is. What happened to the fun loving, energetic, teasing, sexy man I married?
He gained twenty pounds and got complacent that’s what.

I pour my coffee in a thermos and slip on my sandals, pick up my handbag and head to the door. Hearing the click of the door opening Jerry finally looks up from the paper. One eyebrow slightly arches in surprise.

“Hey!”

I pause. Is he finally going to apologize for how he has been acting these past few months? Years actually?

“Where’s breakfast?”

 The force of the door slamming seems to vibrate through the house.

It took all my strength to not smash him in the head with the first thing I could grab. But that would be my coffee pot. He’s not worth that. Instead I will work off my frustrations on Jimmy. I am sure he won’t mind at all.

We have been seeing each other several times a week now, so we meet at several different places instead of just the coffee shop, to keep people from getting suspicious.

‘Meet me at the park. Stay in your truck.’ I text him as I get into the car. 

 Walking around to the driver’s side of his truck swinging open his door, I lean in kissing him harshly. Our teeth clack together, tongues meeting in a hot frenzy, and our lips bruising. We finally stop to come up for air.

“Damn Babe, That was amazing! But you got me all worked up.” His eyes heat up with desire, his strong arms holding me tight, and his large hands rest on the curve of my ass.

Slightly tugging him toward me; he climbs out of the truck and pulls me tight. I can feel his erection already straining against his jeans. I remember when Jerry was this eager. When he couldn’t seem to get enough of me. When did that all change?

He leans his head back slightly, still keeping our bodies close. “What’s the matter babe? You sounded so urgent when you called?”

At least he is concerned. Jerry would have taken his release before bothering to ask me. If he asked me at all.

“Do you have to work today?” I try to remember we are standing openly in a public place. But all I want to do is drown my sorrows in this man’s amazing body.

“Not until later this evening. Why?”

I whisper into his ear, nipping playfully. “Let’s go to the motel? Take our time.”

“Now?”

I nod.

“What about your husband? Don’t you have to be home to fix dinner?”

“He is going to a bowling tournament tonight. He won’t be home till very late tonight, or early in the morning that is.”

“Ok I’ll call into work. Where do you want to pick me up?” I look at his inviting bulge and get an evil idea.

“Pick me up at my house. You can drive today.” He looks surprised but doesn’t argue. He never argues. He’s So accepting.

“Won’t he be suspicious when he sees your car at home?”  He lets out a frustrated sigh. Pulling away slowly he climbs into his truck.

“I’ll be home before he does. I don’t really care anymore though.” I shrug and climb into my car. I blow him a kiss as I head back to the house to drop my car off.

Part of me wants Jerry to notice the car there and me gone. Maybe he would worry about me. Show some concern.

 When I get home Jerry is already gone. Not even a note reminding me about the tournament. The cereal box sat on the counter still open. The milk and an empty bowl sat on the table. The spoon dribbling a small puddle of milk lay beside it. How can one man make such a mess with a bowl of cereal?

I pack a small bag with a sexy negligee, some deodorant, clean underwear, and a toy I had thought would be fun to add to our explorations.

Jimmy pulls up as I dash out the door. He planned for us to talk on the trip over but I had something else in mind. He could talk, I would listen.

He didn’t do much talking.  Instead he did some begging for me to stop, then not to stop, and a lot of moaning as I teased and taunted him with my mouth and my hands the entire ride over.

 I know it was dangerous but it was exhilarating. I haven’t done anything that crazy and wanton since I was a reckless young girl.

Since I had him so worked up even before the trip I made sure he came. I did wait until we arrived at the hotel though.

 Watching him throw back his head, arching in the seat gripping the steering wheel so hard was amazing. I wanted him inside me so bad, but I had plans for the rest of the morning, and afternoon, then we could take a nap before enjoying the evening. Ahh the pleasures of a young man. Stamina, and lots of it!

We took advantage of the extra time together by spending the entire day in the hotel room. Most of it in bed. Regretfully we decided to stop and get a bite to eat before heading home.

We walk hand in hand into a little roadside diner It is surprisingly crowded and noisy, though there are plenty of empty seats. It seems to be mostly truck-drivers interspersed about and a large group of men gathered around a few pushed together tables in the center of the room.

 All of a sudden the noise dies down to a dull hum. The  large group of men suddenly go quiet and the ones with their backs facing us turned to stare.

 My heart froze.

“Teri? What the…” He stammered, his hands clenching at his sides. The men on either side of him hold tightly to his arms as he rose quickly, practically knocking over the chair and a few dishes on the table.

I don’t know what was worse, the mixture of shock and pain on his face or the crack in his voice.

 What have I done?

 Jerking my hand free of Jimmy’s, I turn and run out the door. Jimmy is right behind me. He reaches for me but I pull back. What do I do? Where do I go? I look around panic stricken.

“TERESA!”

I turn around. Jerry is standing outside the door. One of his friends comes out and says something to him. He assures him there will be no violence and the man reluctantly goes back inside.

“The car.” He grabs me by the arm and pulls, glaring at Jimmy.

Jimmy steps forward. Jerry’s grip tightens possessively.

“I’ll take you home.” Jimmy hands curled into fists, his jaw tight, eyes fixed on Jerry’s rough grip.

“Or somewhere safe.”

“You just get the fuck out of here. Don’t you ever come anywhere near my wife again. EVER!” Jerry drops my arm and steps forward.

Jimmy holds his own, though he is much smaller than Jerry. He looks at me imploring.

“Did you drive?” The edge in Jerry’s voice slices through the air.

My heart aches as I see the tears welling in Jerry’s eyes, the taught lines of his ruggedly handsome face as he grits his teeth.

 I shake my head.

“Jerry.” I reach over to touch his arm, expecting him to jerk away. I was surprised when he fell into my arms, silent sobs racking his chest.

I look up at Jimmy still standing a few feet away and see the pain on his face. Damn! What do I do?

I pull back from Jerry.

“I need to go talk to him.”

“Just tell him good-bye and whatever the fuck you’re doing is over. Jesus Teri, he is just a kid.” I see Jerry head to our car. A horn honks and headlights flash as he pulls out the remote to his car.  The door bangs shut, motor racing to life.

“Don’t tell me this is goodbye?”

The pain on Jimmy’s face was almost more than I can bare. I never meant to hurt him. I look at him in shock.

Did he really think I might choose him? Hell! Of course he did. He never thought he was just something to ease my loneliness, to boost my ego. A toy.

 He thought what we had was real. How the hell did I not see that? All this time I thought we were on the same page. I thought he knew this was just a fling. He couldn’t be serious with someone of my age? With one fell swoop I break two men’s hearts.

“You know I love you? I am going back to college in fall. Come with me.”

I almost faint. Another big surprise. What next?

“Jimmy.” Something in the tone of my voice must have given my answer away.

 For the second time in less than ten minutes I watch another grown man fall apart.

I wrap my arms around him.

 BLEEEEEEEP! A horn blares out.

 “Will he hurt you?” Jimmy pulls back.

 Damn! His heart is shattering and he is worried about me.

BLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! The headlights flash now. I guess that’s my signal to hurry up.

 I shake my head and turn towards the car.

“Call me tomorrow and let me know you’re safe.” He hesitates. “And if you change your mind.” I just nod and get into the passenger seat.

  The tension is thick and there is a chill in the air despite the heater being on. Jerry doesn’t say a word until we are almost at our house.

“Are you in love with him?” His voice still sounds horse and crackly.

“No” I answer truthfully. The entire ride home all I could think of was please, don’t leave me. Please give me another chance.

 I knew the moment I saw the hurt on his face that I would do anything to be able to take it all back.

 His hands shake as he turns the key in the lock. He pushes the door open and steps back for me to enter. Bang! I jump as the door slams shut behind me. Jerry’s lips slam into mine furiously.

Twining his hands tightly in my hair, he pushes me against the door. The harsh kiss turns passionate fast. I gasp in astonishment.

He lets me up to catch a quick breath. Our eyes meet. I haven’t seen so much passion, desire, and need since our honeymoon.

 He pulls me back into him. His lips meet mine again. Still urgent but not as violent. Strong and possessively his tongue invades my mouth. The swell of his erection pressing into my belly surprises me. Butterfly kisses touch my cheek, behind my ear, my neck. His hands trail my body as if remembering and relishing each and every curve.

“Go get in the shower. I can smell his cologne on you.” His voice is thick with need.

I step out of the shower and practically trip over him, standing there watching me as if he was afraid I may disappear. His always perfect hair disheveled, his shirt unbuttoned exposing his thick hairy chest, his hand rubbing his thickness over his jeans. Holy crap he is so sexy. There is the passionate, carefree man I married.

  As I’m reaching for the towel he grabs my arm, yanking me back to him.

I moan as our mouths unite again. This time his kiss is pure hunger, need. I see the glint in his eyes as my tongue joins his in an erotic dance.

His strong hands cup my wet, naked ass as he lifts me. I wrap my dripping legs around his waist and  he carries me into the bedroom.

   Letting out a hungry groan, he falls on top of me as I land in the center of his bed. Our bed.
He makes love to me like he never has before. Long and full of heat, lust, and love. I come over and over, wondering when he is ever going to stop. Hoping it never ends.

Collapsing on top of me, he shouts out my name as his body pulses, filling me with his hot seed.

We fall asleep tangled in a heap of hot, sticky, and exhausted limbs.

I waken and gaze at the man in my arms.  Dark stubble outlines the strong, masculine face, and his lips still swollen and red from all the kissing and exploring of my body. The scent of sex and sweat still fill the air with memories of our passion.

He holds me tightly like he is afraid to let go. The long soft eyelashes flutter, and pale gray eyes meet mine. I expect a look of accusation but all I see is love.

“Let me go freshen up. Then I’ll make breakfast and we can talk about it.” I try to turn over to get out of bed.

His arms tighten as he kisses my cheek.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He states matter-of-factly, his hands now trailing down my back, caressing my skin softly. Soothingly. Lovingly.

“I owe you an explanation.” I pull back to look into his eyes. I think his eyes were the first thing I ever noticed about him all those years ago. Soft gray, like a morning dove, full of light and life. His every emotion would reflect in the deep smoky depths. The little crinkles of laugh lines now just emphasize, and improve them.

“No. I owe you an apology. I know why this happened. It’s all my fault. I took you for granted.”

My mouth opens and closes like a hungry fish. Not at all the reaction I expected.

 He kisses me softly and lets out a soft sigh. I feel his body growing thick against me.

Damn! After my marathon with Jimmy yesterday and the triathlon with Jerry last night, I’m not sure I have it in me.

“Jerry.” He stops me with another kiss. This one’s long, deep, obsessive.

“It happened and we can’t go back and erase it. If I wasn’t neglecting you, I don’t think you would have ever strayed. Would you?”

I just shake my head. I can’t believe he is being so loving, so forgiving. Blaming himself.

“I need to know one thing. I asked you last night, but I need to hear it. Did you love him at all?”

I shake my head.

“I need to hear you say it. I need to hear you tell me that you still love me. Like you use to.” His eyes meet mine. “You know he is in love with you don’t you?”

I was shocked at the note of sympathy in his voice. But that was another of his traits I admired so much, that caused me to fall in love with him immediately, his compassion.

“No Jerry, I never loved him. I do have feelings for him. We became close friends. I didn’t realize until he told me last night that he was in love with me. But yes I can let him go. I WILL let him go.” I corrected myself.

“Damn Teri, he looked so young. I hate that he is gonna get hurt in this, but I can’t share you.” He looks at me wistfully. “What do you want? I will do anything I can to fix this. To be the man you need. Want. I’ll try to be the man I used to be. I can forgive you and forget this ever happened. I caused it. I’ll never ever take you for granted again.” His hands slid lovingly up and down my body, his eyes following, as if seeing me for the first time.

His hand slips between my legs, spreading them gently. He rolls me to my back, kissing me. First my lips, down my chin, my neck, my chest, pausing to pay homage to my hard nipples. Those sexy, soulful eyes filled with passion and love like I have never seen before, watching me as his tongue burns a hot wet trail down my aching body. I gasp and arch into his face as he teases me. His deep, throaty moans are like soft rolling thunder warning me of the torrent of passion I am about to receive. He raises up suddenly. His whole body envelops me as he kisses me. The bitter taste of me mixed with the taste of him is like an aphrodisiac, as if I needed one. He made love to me again, gently, meaningfully.

What do I want? Everything I ever wanted, needed, is right here in my arms. It has been right in front of me all this time. Hidden by the comfort of the life we built together. Disguised by our complacency.

“You.” I gasp.

“All I want is you!”

 “All I ever wanted was you.” He whispers into my ear as he holds me tightly. Our bodies both still echo the throes of our passion.

“Call him. You have to go tell him in person. Let him down as easily as you can, but make it final.” I look at this man and wonder how I ever could have betrayed him. But I did. Now I will have to face the consequences of my actions. It won’t be easy.

“I love you Jerry.”

“I love you too Teri, I always have and always will. Now go fix breakfast. Go talk to him then come back and move your stuff back into our room.” He stands up, scratches his head, grabs the nearest garment, and tosses it to the floor after wiping himself off.

“I think I would have died if you would have chosen him.” His voice was low and sad.

I look at him in awe. Chuckling to myself as I realize even with all his bad habits, every I ever wanted had been here along. I just couldn’t see it for all the clutter in my heart. It took almost losing him to figure it out.

“All I ever wanted was the man I married. Welcome back.”

Not the End but a new beginning!

If you missed the beginning you can find it here

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Part 4 here

Well what did ya think?  Were ya totally shocked?  I would  love to hear  what ya  thought about  it!

Forbidden Crush part 4

How  will Jamie feel after his betrayal? Will he lose his job?  Come find out and don't forget to  click above to  enter  our first Valentines contest! Now lets check on Jamie and Darren! 

 

Forbidden Crush, Part 4

 

by Samantha Kay

Darren leant back against the wall opposite the door to Jamie’s office. His foot tapping restlessly on the floor, his eyes feeling dry and sore.
Why did Jamie turn like that last night?
He must be in denial about being gay –but it all seemed to flow so naturally to him? There was no hesitation -or did I just not notice it?

 “What are you doing here?”

Darren stood to attention as he saw Jamie at the office door giving him a hard stare.
Fuck you still look beautiful…

 “I needed to give you your keys.” Darren stuttered, as he held them up to show him. “I locked up after you left last night.”
Why did you run off last night?
Please don’t tell me you regret what happened, please tell me it meant something…

Jamie, who had dark circles under his eyes and a hand resting on his stomach, slowly walked up to Darren.

 “I’m sorry for last night.” Jamie stifled out through his tight, dry throat. “It shouldn’t have happened. I don’t know why it did, but I’d rather we didn’t discuss it again.” I can’t stop thinking about last night Darren. But how can I feel like this about a man? How did I give in to you so easily?

 “Ok.” Darren nodded, noticing the usual shine in Jamie’s eyes had dulled. “But can I speak to you privately in your office for a moment?”
I’m not giving up that easily.

Jamie’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly.
“Oh. Ok. Sure.” What does he want?

Jamie turned around to unlock the door and motioned for Darren to go ahead.

As soon as Jamie shut the door Darren’s heart jumped.
Just ask him. Do it. “Last night.” Darren’s voice was shaky, stripped of its usual composure. “I know it meant something to you.”

Jamie shook his head before glancing down at his feet, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Look, I know you’re not ready to come out or anything, but –“
“I’m not gay Darren!” Jamie exclaimed, jerking his head up to stare at Darren. “What happened was a mistake, it was nothing. Nothing.”

“Who are you trying to convince?” Darren chortled. “You loved what I was doing to you last night –you were even calling my name for fucks sake.”
Jamie diverted his gaze as his cheeks reddened.
“Leave me alone Darren.” He mumbled, before going over to his desk and throwing his cigarettes, lighter and mobile onto it. He let out a loud sigh as he roughly scraped his fingers through his hair.

“Sorry Jamie.” Darren said with a softened tone.
He slowly came up behind Jamie. He gently placed his hands on Jamie’s shoulders as he spoke quietly in his ear. “I get that this is a lot to deal with.”
Jamie’s body tensed before spinning around, forcing Darren to take a step back.
“No Darren, I know what you’re trying to do!” Jamie’s lips were revealing the straight sharp teeth beneath them, and his hands had curled into fists. “Just piss off ok, leave me the fuck alone! I don’t need this shit.”

“Why do you keep turning like this?” Darren spat back, his eyes narrowing. “How long do you think you can keep this up for eh? Even if I leave you alone, you’ll soon find yourself here with someone else, so why not stop dragging out the inevitable?”

Jamie charged past Darren before swinging the office door open.
“Thank you for your time Darren, but I have a lot to do this morning.” His tone tight and cocky.

Darren stared at Jamie for a few moments, allowing the tension in his limbs to ease a little.
He shook his head before leaving the room, jumping as the door was slammed shut behind him.
 What the fuck? Why is he being such a prick about this?

~*~

Jamie backed up into the door, his head falling into his hands as he burst into tears.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
I cheated on Laurie –I fucking cheated! How could I do this to her?
And with a man!
Why am I so drawn to him? Why can’t I just dismiss this, like the last time?Jamie rubbed his face of any moisture, and rushed over to his desk to grab his cigs and lighter.
I need to get a fucking grip.
Last night meant nothing. It was nothing. I just need to push it out of my mind and focus on getting me and Laurie back on track.
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~*~

Darren stormed back to his office.
“Fuck!” He groaned, as he kicked the little plastic bin beside his desk.
Why can’t he just admit last night meant something to him? He clearly wanted me; he never said no, never told me to stop.Darren sat down, thumping the top of his desk as he did so.
Geez, why am I so wound up by this?
I barely know the guy!
Fuck working with him on that project.  I can’t be doing with this grief either.

~*~Jamie sat sombrely at his desk, his head in his hands as he sighed to himself.
I need to go talk to Darren. I can’t leave things like this.
It’s 4 o ‘clock and he still hasn’t come to see me –not even to discuss the project we’re supposed to be doing together.Jamie’s eyes were sore, and he couldn’t shake off the jittery feeling in his legs.
He was sure he could still smell Darren’s cologne in the air; inhaling deeply whenever the scent caught his nose.
He checked his mobile, his stomach stirring painfully when he saw he had a text from Laurie.
‘Hey, sorry for this morning babe. I’ll make it up to you. Love you loads xxx’He swallowed hard, trying to rid the lump in his throat as he put his phone in his pocket.
Jamie didn’t want to go home, he couldn’t face Laurie. The idea of putting up a false façade, to hide the pain of missing Darren, made him feel sick and breathless.
Fuck it, I’m gonna work late. Jamie picked up his work phone off the desk.
Despite his arms becoming prickly with sweat, and his mouth feeling dry and tight, he dialled the number for Darren’s office.

“Yep.” Darren answered the phone bluntly, throwing Jamie off guard.

“Oh. Hi. Sorry. It’s me, Jamie.”

“I know.” Darren continued in his sharp tone. “Your number showed up.”

Jamie’s cheeks were burning, his forehead now feeling tickly with sweat.

“Sorry. I d-didn’t think.”

“What did you want?”

“Erm. I’m just staying late. Again. To work on the delegations. Was wondering if you wanted to, well, join me?” Jamie said quietly.
Please, I need to see you…

His heart sank when he heard Darren sigh.

“Sorry. It doesn’t matter.” Jamie’s voice beginning to crack. “I can manage it alone –“

“No it’s fine.” Darren cut in. “I’ll come at 5, is that alright?”

Jamie’s heart jumped into his throat.
“Erm, yeah, that’d be great!”

“Ok. See you then.” Darren then quickly hung up, sending doubts into Jamie’s mind.

Does he actually want to see me? Or does he just want to get on with our project?Jamie quickly got to his feet, stumbling as he caught his ankle underneath the chair. He darted out the room and into the toilets.

He wet his fingers under the tap before brushing them through his hair; attempting to freshen it up and make it look like he’d made an effort with it.
He then washed his face with cold water; hoping the refreshing splash of it against his skin would diminish the dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep.
Studying himself in the mirror, Jamie then unfastened the first few buttons of his shirt to reveal a bit of his chest.
“That’ll do.” He said as he exhaled deeply, before hurrying back to his office.

As Jamie sat down, tapping his fingernails impatiently on the desk, he couldn’t stop reliving last night. The feel of Darren’s hands on his body, the kissing, and the soft murmuring in his ear.
I need to feel that again, no-one’s made me feel that good before…


To be continued…
 

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All I want is....

Chapter 2

Another day in Dulldrum

Somewhere in the night while reading yet another hot, erotic, romantic fantasy I finally gave up and dozed off.
Vague fragments of a hot dream of me with a tall dark stranger, silk sheets, passionate kisses, moans and groans become a faint memory as I get up and flick on the coffee maker.

Grabbing my pen and pad to make my daily to-do list, I flip open the laptop and fire it up.

First on the list… emails, limit myself to thirty minutes and stay off Facebook.  There are notifications in the emails; it is part of clearing emails. Yeah right.

Number two on list.  Daily chores *priority*.

I chuckle and take a sip of my coffee, mmm Gevalia chocolate, with sugar- free raspberry syrup and French vanilla liquid creamer.  I pull up my Pandora Radio channel, select my Pain channel, turn up the volume and continue clicking off the emails that I definitely won’t read. I sort the rest into lists; recipes, blogs, Facebook, contests for publishers sights, etc. Sort of a to-do list inside the to-do list. 

My timer beeps. That was a fast half hour. I swig down the now cooled coffee and fix me another cup.

Number three on the list. Drink my eight cups of water and do my thirty minutes on the treadmill.

I smile thinking of another half hour engrossed in a hot romance. But that will have to come after the housework and -

Number four… make a list of the Valentine candy, cookies and stuff I have orders for and make a shopping list.

Number five… go to the store and get the ingredients, make out the monthly bills, and get a couple gifts for the two grand-kids with birthdays this month.

I tear off this sheet and start tomorrow’s list; after daily chores, wrap gifts, call the daughter and arrange for the kids to come tomorrow and make valentine cookies.

Number Six. Write up tomorrow’s to-do list and add the cookie decorating party to Saturday’s.

I highlight number six off and do number one, mark it off, then start a chicken veggie soup in crock-pot for dinner and start a loaf of whole grain Parmesan herb bread in the bread maker. 
Putting my hands together I say thank you for the convenience of great time-saving appliance and the ability to multi-task.

I change into a pair of jeans that are now are a bit loose, but skim my curvy thighs and hips. Yeah! No more muffin top! I appraise myself as I add a firm-fitting, low-cut soft leopard-print sweater, that shows quite a bit of cleavage and if I move just right, a peek of black lace from my sexy black push-up bra. I add a pretty pink lip stain and gloss to my makeup and smile. Not so bad for a woman pushing fifty.

 I grab my shopping lists, a bottle of water, and head to the store.

The shops weren't too busy even for a Friday, so I managed to complete my lists quickly.  Even the checkout lanes at the supermarket were slow.

A very good looking young man slipped up beside me and started meticulously bagging my groceries, separating the bagged stuff from the boxes as if he had sacked my groceries many times.

“Hi Ms. Meredith.” He grins shyly, his eyes lingering on my cleavage.

 I lean slightly forward and smile mischievously; glancing at his name-tag while picking up the current issue of Cosmo.

He raises his eyebrows and looks over at me, his big brown eyes warming with desire.

“Looks like you’re making cookies.” He gazes a bit at the cover of the Cosmo and licks his lower lip, as he quickly slips it into the bag with the chocolate chips, sprinkles and assorted colored frosting.

“Yeah, I love making cookies and cupcakes at the holidays.”  I try not to be obvious as I give him a quick once over.

He isn't but a few inches taller than my five four. A little slimmer than I prefer my men, but his strong masculine face with his well-groomed beard shadowing his handsome features, I’d rate him a high eight, even if he looks to be in his mid-twenties.

“Mom used to make them every holiday too.  I think that’s one thing I miss the most about the holidays.” His soft low voice sounding so wistful.

“Used to?” My eyes seem to stay glued to his firm backside, packed nice and tightly into a pair of well-fitting Levis as we walk to my car. Get a grip girlfriend! He’s just a kid!

“She died two years ago with cancer.”

“I’m so sorry. Would you like a batch?”

“I’d really love some, but I don’t want to put you out.”

“Trust me I make plenty extras. Do you work Thursday?  I can bring you some then.”

“No, but how about I meet you someplace? Maybe Starbucks?” He smiles shyly again.

Damn! Did he just ask me out?

“Sure, that would be fine. How about ten o clock?”

“That’s great! I’ll buy ya a cup of coffee and maybe a muffin or something in return. I hope you don’t get upset if I tell you this, but you sure look hot today.” He dips his head shyly as he finishes unloading my buggy.

“No, why would I get upset over such a sweet compliment, Jimmy.” I blush and pull out a couple dollars for a tip.

 He thanks me for the tip and winks as he turns to go back to work.

My mind races as I drive home. Did I just accept a date with a man half my age?

If you missed the first chapter you can find it here.
 Have you ever felt like you were just existing   Has someone all of a sudden given you hope or made you feel like you mattered?  we love to hear  what you think!

Tell Me A Lie

Who hasn't told a lie? In Tell Me A Lie one of 16 stories in Black Pepper Visions: Original Folktales & Stories You Can Eat (FolkHeart Press 2012) Terry wants to know - and doesn't want to know - about her husband's affairs. Can you blame her? 

Enjoy the Clam Chowder recipe!

  

Terry had been waxing the floors of Jerry’s Pacific Dance Hall when the unexpected phone call came. Dropping her supplies, she ran home to find her husband Mickey lying dead on the kitchen floor. Stunned, she ignored the volunteer firemen who had contacted her. She circled her husband, hoping to catch sight of his eyes opening.

“Jesus!” She had said when the firemen told her it had most likely been a heart attack. Ray, the mailman who usually stopped by each morning to say hi to Mickey, had found him on the floor.

Silent, Terry rubbed her plump hands together and waited. Moving around his body, she held back her words. “Mickey,” she thought to herself, “Is this some game? Are you playing with me?” She wanted to hear him say “yes,” that he was a playing a cruel joke on her.

They had met during their last year of high school. He had let her know then and there, the Midwestern winds whipping around them, that he didn’t take life seriously. His casual attitude was appealing. It suggested to Terry that problems didn’t have to exist. All was well if that’s what one wanted. “My world is filled with laughter and I plan to keep it that way,” he had said.

It was that same 1960’s promise of easy living and freedom that drew him, and then her, to California. Mickey’s joviality had been punctuated with days and sometimes weeks of sadness. He could not shake or wipe it away like he did the dirt on windows. A professional window washer standing high on ladders, he had a knack for polishing glass that gave others a clearer view of their world. But, unlike airborne dust that collects on windows, his sadness could not be removed. At those times it was only in the beds of other women that he found temporary relief.

“You’ve got to do something about this! Go to a shrink. Get some help before it’s too late.” Terry had cried many times.

“It won’t work,” he’d say. “’Besides, I’ve got a handle on it.”

His dark moods were seasonal. When they came, he was not able to work. So Terry dutifully filled in the gaps. Besides doing light janitorial duties at Jerry’s Pacific Dance Hall, she cleaned littleneck clams for chowder at the Clam Shell Café, soaking and then scrubbing their barnacled shells until they were grit-free. A strong woman whose hands grew more rugged with age, she’d sometimes stay late to prepare the clams with chipped shells.

“Must be a way to use the one that aren’t perfect,” she’d said more than once to the café owner who wasn’t interested. “We won’t serve these here,” he had explained. “They don’t look good.”

For years Terry had held steady during Mickey’s changing moods. A large woman with soft blue eyes and light blond hair she had a way of putting her feet into places that needed her weight to hold them down. In that way there was always food on the table for their two teenage children, even if it was only a bowl of blemished clam chowder.

“I’m like gravity for this family,” she had confided from time to time to her friends.

“Sure, it keeps everything from completely falling apart, but don’t you get tired of it?” Her friends used to ask. Now they just listened as she’d say again and again, “I keep my family together.” The words were meant to erase the way her own family fell apart when her brother took his young life. It pulled them hard in many directions; first came the arguing over everything and then her parent’s divorce. It left a hole in Terry’s heart that felt sometimes as big and as deep as the ocean.

Each time Mickey siphoned their bank account for unexplained expenses or lied about where he spent his time, and with whom, she would chant repeatedly “For better or for worse” until, on the pier of her own protective shore, she couldn’t hear anything else.

“It was a mistake, okay? Don’t worry. I’ll never see her again. You are my family, remember?” Time and time again her husband’s words soothed her.

Walking around Mickey’s still body Terry recalled their conversation earlier that day. While sitting on the porch in the squeaky wooden chair, she had closed her eyes and listened to the sound of familiar movement inside the house. She could hear the tea kettle’s whistle and then the screen door closing behind Mickey.

Not a word passed between them as he squatted down and lit a cigarette. There was nothing to say. Eyes partially shut with unfinished sleep, Mickey had come home late again. He hadn’t said where he had been and Terry hadn’t asked.

“Not today,” she softly announced. She too, was tired. “Right now I only want the truth.” The words rolled out on the waves of a long-held sigh. She couldn’t explain how right then and there she had run out of steam. Just like that. Made her think of the countless times she had tried to find a purpose for the café’s damaged clams. The tender sea meat irrevocably exposed, the shell would never close again. She was not going to be able to stop Mickey from sinking into the quicksand of his making anymore than she had been able to keep her young brother’s promising future alive. Like it or not, she was going to have to let her husband go.

During their early years, Terry had only half-heard Mickey’s promises and lies. She had been too busy raising children to sort through his behaviors and explanations. There had been no time for her to try to figure out whether or not he had been telling her the truth or what to do if everything he’d said had been a lie. Above all else, she had a family to protect.

“I can’t listen anymore,” she had said to Mickey that morning while rocking back and forth. “Nothing has changed.”

Without her prompting that morning on the porch, Mickey got to his feet and said, “Last night was the last time.”

And it was.

Terry kept circling Mickey’s breathless body on the kitchen floor, expecting him to clear his throat, to say “This is a joke, really. I’ll be back.” But he said nothing. Defenseless beyond words, he just lay there.

Eyes fixed on Mickey, Terry finally stopped walking around him. In her stillness, the volunteers reached down for his body. As they carried him through the room’s narrow archway, one of them speculated that Mickey, still in his blue flannel bathrobe, had been near the stove warming his hands against the morning’s coastal chill.

Terry shrugged her shoulders. Her still dry eyes followed the men one of whom whispered to another, “Have you got a good grip?”

“Wait!” Terry suddenly called out as they headed towards the front door. In less than a moment she had removed a safety pin from the stretched waistband of her own pants and pointed to the floor. In response the men put her husband down. She quickly bent down to his side and carefully pinned together the front of his now-opened robe so that his very white chest was no longer exposed. Then she pulled on the robe’s hem until it lay neatly over his pants.

Terry patted his thigh. In that instant she was 18 again and, in the darkness, had just crawled out of bed to watch him sleep. She stood like that over him now, no longer the young woman who had been warm butter in his arms. In the shadows of that early afternoon-lit room, Terry blushed as she reached out to the man at her feet. Again he had eluded her.

Questions flooded her: What had he been thinking before he died? Had he even known what was happening? Where had he gone and would he be coming back? Terry let them wash over her as they had done for years. The slight touch of a hand upon her shoulder brought her back into the room. She looked down at her calloused hands and then closed her eyes in an effrt to stop the tide of anger welling up inside.

“How long?” she asked herself, “how long must I wait?” She silently demanded that he open his dark brown eyes and tell her to get back to work, he’d see her that evening for supper.

The sound of his silence lingered like sea mist in the house after his body had been removed. Mickey would not be coming back. In his absence, Terry clenched her fists and struck out at the air around her.

“Damn you!” she cried out, “Tell me a lie!”

 Clam Chowder

1/2 pound bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

4 unpeeled potatoes, diced

2 carrots, diced

salt and pepper to taste

1 pound of chopped clams

clam juice

1 medium leek, finely chopped

1 quart Half-and-Half

Cook bacon in large pot over medium heat until brown and crisp. Remove bacon but leave drippings in the pot. Add potatoes and carrots to pot and season with salt and pepper.

Cook for approximately 5 minutes.

Pour in the clam juice and add enough water to just cover the potatoes. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer covered until the potatoes are just tender, 10 to 15 minutes.

Gently stir in the leek and then the clams. Add bacon and half-and-half. Stir about 10 minutes more until the chowder returns to a simmer and thickens.

Fatal Indiscretions Episode Four

Fatal Indiscretions – By Anjie Harrte

Episode 3 – Recap
Sherry gets a call from Paul inviting her to breakfast. She confirms dinner with her husband and then goes to meet Paul. They meet at the old Dutch market, an area that Sherry doesn’t visit very often. They have breakfast together and then Paul takes her to his boat on the river. There he strips for her and it ends with her deciding whether to leave or go to him.

Episode 4

          I chose to satiate my thirst, to quell my hunger, to fill that void inside. I dropped my shoulder bag to the floor and I walked towards him. And yes, he smiled that wicked smile that I was becoming accustomed to. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. I didn’t care if I was a prey in his trap, if I was caught in his sticky web, nor did I care that I had given into his seduction and walked all over every moral I had fought to keep in my life. I only wanted to taste him and I did. I kissed his neck softly and then I trailed down his hard chest and torso and when I reached my destination his long dick gave me a small slap in the face as though to say; you took long enough.

I smiled and looked up at him, his eyes drunk with anticipation. I placed my lips lightly at first on the tip of the massive shaft and saw him close his eyes and sigh. Then I kissed the tip, letting my lips press against the round hardness of it. My tongue slipped out and swirled around the tip, as I sucked on it and heard him sigh louder. The smoothness of it always excited me. I let my tongue slip between the slit and probe it, pushing the two sides apart gently. I felt him pushing against my mouth and I know he wanted more, but I wanted to tease him a little. I wanted him to enjoy every bit of it. Slowly I slipped it into my mouth letting it slide on my outstretched tongue as I did, taking it in inch by inch until I felt it enter my throat. I breathed through my nose as I bobbed my head up and down on the long shaft, stopping every now and again to suck off the top. I tasted his pre-cum and lapped it up licking my tongue as I enjoyed his salty taste. He started to buck his hips against my mouth, pushing in and out, harder with each thrust, hitting the back of my throat. I used my tongue to swirl around the massive dick as he fucked my mouth. I felt the pulsating of his dick and I pushed it as far in as it would go and worked my tongue in circles as I felt his hot juice hit the back of my throat and heard him groan and moan, grabbing my hair tight with his massive hand and holding me against his pelvis.
When he relaxed and fell back onto the bed behind him, I licked at my lips enjoying his rich taste. I climbed on him like a spider and kissed him. His face bore fine lines and his eyes were heavy with the hotness of the moment. He reached and pulled my blouse over my head and unhooked my bra as we kissed. Then he cupped my right breasts with his left hand and brought down his tongue; keeping his eyes on mine. I smiled as he took my nipple into his mouth and bit on it. I squirmed and giggled like a school girl as he kept nibbling on the nipple all the time keeping his eyes on my face. Then he began to lick at the nipple and suck it into his mouth. Soon I was writhing in pleasure as his mouth attacked my breasts all over sucking and kneading them with his hands. He then kissed down my belly, while unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down. I helped him by raising my hips as he slid them down my thighs, then I was kicking them out, feeling him pull down my panties.

Again I helped him ease them off as I felt his hot breath between my thighs. He parted the lips of my pussy with his fingers and dipped his middle finger in, I arched my back and moaned at the wonderful feeling as he turned it up inside of me and moved it back and forth against my wall. I felt the warmness of his tongue on my clit and I dug my head into the mattress, the sweet feeling of his tongue lashing away at my clit and his finger fucking me and diving in until his hand hit the rim of my pussy. It was all driving me mad. He stroked my clit up and down with his tongue, sending sweet sensations throughout my entire body. Then he was sucking my clit in his mouth as I saw him reach down to where his pants were on the floor. He seemed to be such an expert; to search for, open and put on a condom while still tongue fucking my pussy. He came up and in one movement, he raised both my legs in the air and brought them against my chest as he drove into my pussy. I was so wet and ready for him that it took one long swift drive and he was inside of me. My walls clung to his thick hard shaft and I heard him moan out loud as I reciprocated under the rush of pleasure.

In that moment I felt so whole, so full; that I felt like crying. Instead I started to gyrate my hips and move my body, as he slid out halfway and then rammed himself back in again. Paul was not a man for soft love making and my pussy didn’t mind, instead it thanked him every time he came in by hugging him tight. Paul leaned his chest on my legs bringing them all the way to my chest as he placed his weight on his hands on the bed to the two sides of me. In that position I felt him deep inside of me and then he started to quicken his thrusts, moving faster and harder with each thrust. The friction was starting up that sweet feeling in my pussy. As I felt Paul raise up and hold me by the ankles. We were still at the edge of the bed so Paul hitched one of his feet on the bed next to me, and the other one on the floor as she slammed his cock in and out of me, harder and faster moving from side to side hitting my pussy from different angles. Soon the sweet feeling in my pussy began to build up and then took over my body, sending me into convulsions as my body became flooded with orgasm after orgasm. Paul too started to grimace and stiffen and I felt his dick pulsing inside of me. The orgasms were felt through every pore of my skin all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes and then I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. My cheeks felt flushed and my head was floating as I became overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry. Paul was coming hard, his dick pressed into my pussy, his balls against my ass as he emptied his cum into the condom inside of me. I raised my hands to my face in shame as I could not control the tears. My entire body seemed to have relaxed as I lay there crying. When Paul caught his composure he slowly pulled out of me and lay beside me, wrapping his arms around my body as I hid my face in the crevice of his neck and cried; my entire body shaking from the emotions. Paul didn’t ask any questions or say anything for the fifteen minutes it took me to calm down, he just held me and allowed me to pour out my emotions and let go of my frustrations. For the first time in years I felt relaxed and free. At some point I fell asleep, in the middle of the morning, in a boat on the wharf behind the Dutch Market, I fell asleep in Paul Degannes’arms as someone peeped us from the window of the cabin and gritted their teeth in hatred for me.

Paul must’ve looked up and seen the person, because I felt him move next to me and I jolted awake and sat up, looking around remembering where I was and what had happened. My brain started to take over my body again and I started to feel shame.

“What is the matter?” I asked Paul as he stood peeping out of the cabin window, stark naked.

“Nothing, I just thought I saw someone here just now,” he said as he sat next to me on the edge of the bed

“What?” I asked alarmed, gathering my clothes quickly

“It was nothing, there is no one out there,”he said wrapping his arms around me and rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

“I should leave anyhow, what time is it?” I asked. I never wore a watch; they never seemed to work on my hand.

“12:30 in the afternoon.”

“What? I have to get home just now is time for your class and I have things to do at home.” I said as I hurried to pull on my jeans.

“Mrs. Miles, you need to learn to relax” he said

“And what ,spend my days lazing in a boat on the river?” I asked snidely.

“What’s so wrong with that?” he asked, laying back on the bed and crossing his hands behind his head.

“Well for one, some of us have responsibilities.”

“I have responsibilities, and I am darn good at taking care of them and enjoying life. Mrs. Miles this life is too darn short to waste worrying and hurrying about killing ourselves over, slow down, smell the fresh air.”

“Right now the air only smells of fish and salt.”

He smiled, I had actually said something funny and it caused me to smile too.

“So are you coming to class later?” he asked

“Yes” I said as I climbed out of the cabin and off of the boat. He pulled on his pants and followed me. He watched me until I was out of the big iron gates. I turned and watched his figure standing there; his hands tucked into his pocked; his chest rippled from his muscles and; even from that distance I could see his crooked smiled.

I hurried across the road and pass the market; walking along the main road to my car, avoiding the winding paths inside of the market. When I reached the car the first thing I noticed was that my side mirrors were missing. I cursed under my breath and threw my hands in the air. Yes I parked my Allion in a shady neighbourhood and this is what I get for it.

“Sherry?” a shrill voice was heard behind me and I closed my eyes and almost did a face palm as I recognized it.

I turned and saw Jennifer Brunt hurrying towards me, “oh Sherry, it is you. In this neighbourhood?”

“Oh hi Jennifer,” I said, not offering her any explanation

“Oh my, do you know you don’t have side mirrors?” she asked

“Oh, yes, I noticed.” I answered, as I quickly rummage in my hand bag for my keys.

“But what are you doing in this sort of neighbourhood Sherry, you don’t seem like you are from around here,” she was leaning on the car peering into my face as I became frustrated with the many little things I must have in my bag.

“I was looking for something in the market,”I answered without looking up

“Did you find it?”

“No,” finally I saw the little round picture key ring with Cathy’s photo on one side and Ryan’s on the other, I pulled it out and picked out the car keys.

“What was it? Maybe I can help you,” she offered.

“That is ok, it was something personal,” I said as I turned the key and slipped into the seat.

“Sorry Jen,” I said as I reached for the handle of the door to pull it in, “but I am late.”

She grabbed the door and stepped closer, “It is Jennifer, not Jen, not Jenny, just Jennifer,” her eyes were wild, her face was stern and her stance was threatening.

I smiled nervously and said, “Sorry, Jennifer.”

Suddenly her entire appearance changed as she smiled and stepped aside. I pulled the door in, keeping my eye on her for a few seconds as I started the car. She looked up the road and signaled to me that it was clear to pull out, I still turned and checked though, in the last few minutes she had scared me and so I didn’t trust her.

As I drove home the thoughts of the moments in that boat on the river played over and over in my head. I wanted to turn the car around and go to Paul, but I know I couldn’t. Yesterday evening before falling asleep I had called my friend Alaine from the charity organization and asked her to pass around lunch time to pick up some of the baby clothes to donate to charity. Alaine used to be one of my best friends until I got so depressed I blocked everyone out.

Alaine Grenshaw was forty five and she was my father’s executive assistant for about six years before he died. She and I became good friends when my father decided I needed to learn his business. She was charged with teaching me the ropes and soon I knew everything about his and my husband’s company. When my father died, I liquidated his company and invested all of it into Miles Pharmaceutical. My shares in the Pharmaceutical company grew and I made Alaine administrative assistant in charge of hiring and training staff. I became a board member in Miles Pharmaceutical and got my own lavish office overseeing the city.

Alaine started the charity organization with my financial help, but I preferred to be a silent investment. Besides our investment into the charity gave us a lot of tax redemptions too.

I had so many clothes bought for all the pregnancies I went through that I decided if I was going to heal I had to give away the baby things; so I called Alaine. After all, the doctor had said, I shouldn’t try again for another three years or so. I could always buy again; I wasn’t going to keep them there to haunt me. When I pulled into the driveway the Charity bus was parked on the curb. It was a big white bus with the logo and name of the Charity on the side; Wings of Hope.

“HI Allie,” I said as I reached and hugged her.

“How are you today Sherry?” she asked in that concerned big sister tone.

“I am doing very well,” I said in an upbeat tone, honestly feeling relaxed.

A young man walked up the path and Allie said, “This is Jerry, he works in the warehouse, he is here to help me carry out the boxes.”

I smiled with Jerry and opened the door as we walked in and I led them to the packed room.

Sunday, Ryan had decided that since I had taken the step with the art classes he would help me along by having the room packed up. It wasn’t until last night that I had agreed to actually give away the stuff.

“You are giving away everything, Sher?” Allie asked

“Yep,” I said as I tried moved to my room. She motioned for Jerry to enter the room and as he started to pick up boxes, she turned to me, “I am happy to see you looking so relaxed.”

“Thanks, I feel relaxed.” I said, hoping to get away to my room.

“I miss you,” she said, “I came personally for these things in hope that I could see you and I am glad I did.”

“I am happy to see you too,” I said

“Well I hope you feel better soon, it is not healthy to be home like this all the time you know, considering how busy you used to be when you worked, making sure everything was just right in the company.”

I smiled she was right, I took a lot of interest in the business that involved my father’s money. He had worked really hard for what he left me and I intended to keep his dreams alive. I know he wouldn’t agree with me selling his company, but Ryan had presented a good business plan that meant us producing a lot of medications and even cosmetics locally. I thought it would be better than importing, making it cheaper for the locals to access.

“I need to take a bath, just do your thing and you can let yourself out when you are finished,” I said excusing myself. She smiled and nodded as I walked off towards my room.

I was stronger, but not strong enough to stand and watch them take the last reminder of Emily away.

Under the shower with the hot water splashing all over I felt so clear and at peace that I started to think on the things Alaine had said. I had let so much time go by with me sulking and waning away, I decided there in the shower that things were going to change.

Ryan wanted me to step out of my depression and be normal again, well he was in for a surprise, because my next step on this ladder to becoming normal was going to be re-entering the workplace and re-asserting my position there.

I stepped out of the shower a new Sherry, with all the brains of the old Sherry when it came to running a company that belonged to me by right. I was a bit nervous about the whole idea. Feeling my heart beating in my chest and my throat feeling stuffed with fear. I dried my head with a towel and watched at my figure in the mirror. My body hadn’t changed much; I still had my small waist, and round hips, firm breasts sticking out from the warm shower. I wondered to myself what the reaction I would get tomorrow when I walked in my office. What was Ryan Miles going to say about the new Sherry? I dressed quickly checking the time, I had two hours before classes, maybe I could get two outfits before; one to test drive the new Sherry at dinner with Ryan tonight and one to shock the office at Miles Pharmaceutical tomorrow.

* * * * * ** * * * * ** *

Well Sherry seems to be finding her self confidence back. But is she digging a bigger hole with her indiscretions? How do you feel about Sherry? Share your honest opinions let me know and return next week to find out what Sherry does on her date with Ryan. . . .

Previous episodes can be found at the following links:

Episode 1 Episode 2 Episode 3

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About Anjie Harrte
Romance with some Caribbean flavour
Anjie Harrte is a twenty nine year old mother of one who resides in sunny Guyana, South America. Anjie dreams up stories of contemporary fiction splashed with some romance, a little dose of murder or an ounce of suspense and sometimes when no one is looking she dashes in a little twist. You too can stalk her if you like at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Anjie-Harrte/
or you can follow her on twitter @anjieharrte or keep updated with her writing at http://authoranjieharrte.blogspot.com/