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Forbidden Crush, Part 4
by Samantha Kay
Darren leant back against the wall opposite the door to Jamie’s office. His foot tapping restlessly on the floor, his eyes feeling dry and sore.
Why did Jamie turn like that last night?
He must be in denial about being gay –but it all seemed to flow so naturally to him? There was no hesitation -or did I just not notice it?
Why did Jamie turn like that last night?
He must be in denial about being gay –but it all seemed to flow so naturally to him? There was no hesitation -or did I just not notice it?
“What are you doing here?”
Darren stood to attention as he saw Jamie at the office door giving him a hard stare.
Fuck you still look beautiful…
Fuck you still look beautiful…
“I needed to give you your keys.” Darren stuttered, as he held them up to show him. “I locked up after you left last night.”
Why did you run off last night?
Please don’t tell me you regret what happened, please tell me it meant something…
Why did you run off last night?
Please don’t tell me you regret what happened, please tell me it meant something…
Jamie, who had dark circles under his eyes and a hand resting on his stomach, slowly walked up to Darren.
“I’m sorry for last night.” Jamie stifled out through his tight, dry throat. “It shouldn’t have happened. I don’t know why it did, but I’d rather we didn’t discuss it again.” I can’t stop thinking about last night Darren. But how can I feel like this about a man? How did I give in to you so easily?
“Ok.” Darren nodded, noticing the usual shine in Jamie’s eyes had dulled. “But can I speak to you privately in your office for a moment?”
I’m not giving up that easily.
I’m not giving up that easily.
Jamie’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly.
“Oh. Ok. Sure.” What does he want?
Jamie turned around to unlock the door and motioned for Darren to go ahead.
“Oh. Ok. Sure.” What does he want?
Jamie turned around to unlock the door and motioned for Darren to go ahead.
As soon as Jamie shut the door Darren’s heart jumped.
Just ask him. Do it. “Last night.” Darren’s voice was shaky, stripped of its usual composure. “I know it meant something to you.”
Jamie shook his head before glancing down at his feet, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
“Look, I know you’re not ready to come out or anything, but –“
“I’m not gay Darren!” Jamie exclaimed, jerking his head up to stare at Darren. “What happened was a mistake, it was nothing. Nothing.”
“Who are you trying to convince?” Darren chortled. “You loved what I was doing to you last night –you were even calling my name for fucks sake.”
Jamie diverted his gaze as his cheeks reddened.
“Leave me alone Darren.” He mumbled, before going over to his desk and throwing his cigarettes, lighter and mobile onto it. He let out a loud sigh as he roughly scraped his fingers through his hair.
“Sorry Jamie.” Darren said with a softened tone.
He slowly came up behind Jamie. He gently placed his hands on Jamie’s shoulders as he spoke quietly in his ear. “I get that this is a lot to deal with.”
Jamie’s body tensed before spinning around, forcing Darren to take a step back.
“No Darren, I know what you’re trying to do!” Jamie’s lips were revealing the straight sharp teeth beneath them, and his hands had curled into fists. “Just piss off ok, leave me the fuck alone! I don’t need this shit.”
“Why do you keep turning like this?” Darren spat back, his eyes narrowing. “How long do you think you can keep this up for eh? Even if I leave you alone, you’ll soon find yourself here with someone else, so why not stop dragging out the inevitable?”
Jamie charged past Darren before swinging the office door open.
“Thank you for your time Darren, but I have a lot to do this morning.” His tone tight and cocky.
Darren stared at Jamie for a few moments, allowing the tension in his limbs to ease a little.
He shook his head before leaving the room, jumping as the door was slammed shut behind him.
What the fuck? Why is he being such a prick about this?
Just ask him. Do it. “Last night.” Darren’s voice was shaky, stripped of its usual composure. “I know it meant something to you.”
Jamie shook his head before glancing down at his feet, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
“Look, I know you’re not ready to come out or anything, but –“
“I’m not gay Darren!” Jamie exclaimed, jerking his head up to stare at Darren. “What happened was a mistake, it was nothing. Nothing.”
“Who are you trying to convince?” Darren chortled. “You loved what I was doing to you last night –you were even calling my name for fucks sake.”
Jamie diverted his gaze as his cheeks reddened.
“Leave me alone Darren.” He mumbled, before going over to his desk and throwing his cigarettes, lighter and mobile onto it. He let out a loud sigh as he roughly scraped his fingers through his hair.
“Sorry Jamie.” Darren said with a softened tone.
He slowly came up behind Jamie. He gently placed his hands on Jamie’s shoulders as he spoke quietly in his ear. “I get that this is a lot to deal with.”
Jamie’s body tensed before spinning around, forcing Darren to take a step back.
“No Darren, I know what you’re trying to do!” Jamie’s lips were revealing the straight sharp teeth beneath them, and his hands had curled into fists. “Just piss off ok, leave me the fuck alone! I don’t need this shit.”
“Why do you keep turning like this?” Darren spat back, his eyes narrowing. “How long do you think you can keep this up for eh? Even if I leave you alone, you’ll soon find yourself here with someone else, so why not stop dragging out the inevitable?”
Jamie charged past Darren before swinging the office door open.
“Thank you for your time Darren, but I have a lot to do this morning.” His tone tight and cocky.
Darren stared at Jamie for a few moments, allowing the tension in his limbs to ease a little.
He shook his head before leaving the room, jumping as the door was slammed shut behind him.
What the fuck? Why is he being such a prick about this?
~*~
Jamie backed up into the door, his head falling into his hands as he burst into tears.
What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
I cheated on Laurie –I fucking cheated! How could I do this to her?
And with a man!
Why am I so drawn to him? Why can’t I just dismiss this, like the last time?Jamie rubbed his face of any moisture, and rushed over to his desk to grab his cigs and lighter.
I need to get a fucking grip.
Last night meant nothing. It was nothing. I just need to push it out of my mind and focus on getting me and Laurie back on track.
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I cheated on Laurie –I fucking cheated! How could I do this to her?
And with a man!
Why am I so drawn to him? Why can’t I just dismiss this, like the last time?Jamie rubbed his face of any moisture, and rushed over to his desk to grab his cigs and lighter.
I need to get a fucking grip.
Last night meant nothing. It was nothing. I just need to push it out of my mind and focus on getting me and Laurie back on track.
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~*~
Darren stormed back to his office.
“Fuck!” He groaned, as he kicked the little plastic bin beside his desk.
Why can’t he just admit last night meant something to him? He clearly wanted me; he never said no, never told me to stop.Darren sat down, thumping the top of his desk as he did so.
Geez, why am I so wound up by this?
I barely know the guy!
Fuck working with him on that project. I can’t be doing with this grief either.
~*~Jamie sat sombrely at his desk, his head in his hands as he sighed to himself.
I need to go talk to Darren. I can’t leave things like this.
It’s 4 o ‘clock and he still hasn’t come to see me –not even to discuss the project we’re supposed to be doing together.Jamie’s eyes were sore, and he couldn’t shake off the jittery feeling in his legs.
He was sure he could still smell Darren’s cologne in the air; inhaling deeply whenever the scent caught his nose.
He checked his mobile, his stomach stirring painfully when he saw he had a text from Laurie.
‘Hey, sorry for this morning babe. I’ll make it up to you. Love you loads xxx’He swallowed hard, trying to rid the lump in his throat as he put his phone in his pocket.
Jamie didn’t want to go home, he couldn’t face Laurie. The idea of putting up a false façade, to hide the pain of missing Darren, made him feel sick and breathless.
Fuck it, I’m gonna work late. Jamie picked up his work phone off the desk.
Despite his arms becoming prickly with sweat, and his mouth feeling dry and tight, he dialled the number for Darren’s office.
“Yep.” Darren answered the phone bluntly, throwing Jamie off guard.
“Oh. Hi. Sorry. It’s me, Jamie.”
“I know.” Darren continued in his sharp tone. “Your number showed up.”
Jamie’s cheeks were burning, his forehead now feeling tickly with sweat.
“Sorry. I d-didn’t think.”
“What did you want?”
“Erm. I’m just staying late. Again. To work on the delegations. Was wondering if you wanted to, well, join me?” Jamie said quietly.
Please, I need to see you…
His heart sank when he heard Darren sigh.
“Sorry. It doesn’t matter.” Jamie’s voice beginning to crack. “I can manage it alone –“
“No it’s fine.” Darren cut in. “I’ll come at 5, is that alright?”
Jamie’s heart jumped into his throat.
“Erm, yeah, that’d be great!”
“Ok. See you then.” Darren then quickly hung up, sending doubts into Jamie’s mind.
Does he actually want to see me? Or does he just want to get on with our project?Jamie quickly got to his feet, stumbling as he caught his ankle underneath the chair. He darted out the room and into the toilets.
He wet his fingers under the tap before brushing them through his hair; attempting to freshen it up and make it look like he’d made an effort with it.
He then washed his face with cold water; hoping the refreshing splash of it against his skin would diminish the dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep.
Studying himself in the mirror, Jamie then unfastened the first few buttons of his shirt to reveal a bit of his chest.
“That’ll do.” He said as he exhaled deeply, before hurrying back to his office.
As Jamie sat down, tapping his fingernails impatiently on the desk, he couldn’t stop reliving last night. The feel of Darren’s hands on his body, the kissing, and the soft murmuring in his ear.
I need to feel that again, no-one’s made me feel that good before…
To be continued…
“Fuck!” He groaned, as he kicked the little plastic bin beside his desk.
Why can’t he just admit last night meant something to him? He clearly wanted me; he never said no, never told me to stop.Darren sat down, thumping the top of his desk as he did so.
Geez, why am I so wound up by this?
I barely know the guy!
Fuck working with him on that project. I can’t be doing with this grief either.
~*~Jamie sat sombrely at his desk, his head in his hands as he sighed to himself.
I need to go talk to Darren. I can’t leave things like this.
It’s 4 o ‘clock and he still hasn’t come to see me –not even to discuss the project we’re supposed to be doing together.Jamie’s eyes were sore, and he couldn’t shake off the jittery feeling in his legs.
He was sure he could still smell Darren’s cologne in the air; inhaling deeply whenever the scent caught his nose.
He checked his mobile, his stomach stirring painfully when he saw he had a text from Laurie.
‘Hey, sorry for this morning babe. I’ll make it up to you. Love you loads xxx’He swallowed hard, trying to rid the lump in his throat as he put his phone in his pocket.
Jamie didn’t want to go home, he couldn’t face Laurie. The idea of putting up a false façade, to hide the pain of missing Darren, made him feel sick and breathless.
Fuck it, I’m gonna work late. Jamie picked up his work phone off the desk.
Despite his arms becoming prickly with sweat, and his mouth feeling dry and tight, he dialled the number for Darren’s office.
“Yep.” Darren answered the phone bluntly, throwing Jamie off guard.
“Oh. Hi. Sorry. It’s me, Jamie.”
“I know.” Darren continued in his sharp tone. “Your number showed up.”
Jamie’s cheeks were burning, his forehead now feeling tickly with sweat.
“Sorry. I d-didn’t think.”
“What did you want?”
“Erm. I’m just staying late. Again. To work on the delegations. Was wondering if you wanted to, well, join me?” Jamie said quietly.
Please, I need to see you…
His heart sank when he heard Darren sigh.
“Sorry. It doesn’t matter.” Jamie’s voice beginning to crack. “I can manage it alone –“
“No it’s fine.” Darren cut in. “I’ll come at 5, is that alright?”
Jamie’s heart jumped into his throat.
“Erm, yeah, that’d be great!”
“Ok. See you then.” Darren then quickly hung up, sending doubts into Jamie’s mind.
Does he actually want to see me? Or does he just want to get on with our project?Jamie quickly got to his feet, stumbling as he caught his ankle underneath the chair. He darted out the room and into the toilets.
He wet his fingers under the tap before brushing them through his hair; attempting to freshen it up and make it look like he’d made an effort with it.
He then washed his face with cold water; hoping the refreshing splash of it against his skin would diminish the dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep.
Studying himself in the mirror, Jamie then unfastened the first few buttons of his shirt to reveal a bit of his chest.
“That’ll do.” He said as he exhaled deeply, before hurrying back to his office.
As Jamie sat down, tapping his fingernails impatiently on the desk, he couldn’t stop reliving last night. The feel of Darren’s hands on his body, the kissing, and the soft murmuring in his ear.
I need to feel that again, no-one’s made me feel that good before…
To be continued…
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