Sunday, September 23, 2012

Childish Fears

Our lives often feel like a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, peaks and valleys.  Finding someone to share the ride with is often the difference between surviving and giving up.  Has Siam found that someone?  Or is this just a game to Laura?

Childish Fears
Ben Hannigan

Dear Diary,

I had been broken and bruised but was now healing, slowly in the arms of my lover, being supported and cared for. I was a mess but recovering.  Dressing with more of my old self and focusing less on my fears, I still trained though it was slower, less nasty and monitored by the others who reviewed my schedule. I lost the lack of care for those around me and whether I lived or died. My designs kept elements of my experiences as they were selling well.  The hidden blades and such appealing to people, the majority of my work however, returned to the older style; the gentler me, the college girl, bookish and casual.  The enduring motif was that you could be defiantly female, be it in blouses and skirts with fitted holsters or combat vests and BDU pants. We were working on a line of tailored body armour, drawing on the design of corsets which along with a pair of slutty heels and fitted trousers became my day “uniform” as a treat for Laura and a way to make me feel sexy.

The passion in my work-life was returning as we healed.  The fun expressive lover that I was becoming before the incident returning slowly over time. Diary, well Laura and I managed to fall back into a routine, mainly us but occasionally dabbling in the odd ménage et trois with Ben and his lovers, Sophie and Lucy. But mainly we were just us. That relationship Diary, I will admit shocked me.  Somehow, through my years at high school with the three of them, I had managed to miss every clue to the fact it wasn’t a couple and a close friend but instead, something more. Looking back now I wonder how I could have been so blind.

I even Diary, was lucky enough to witness one of the most erotic things in my world, partially as a thank you for saving me, partially something more. I witnessed my lesbian lover Laura, who up until now had never had any desire in this direction, take a male to bed. One night when we were all hanging out after work, she began flirting with Ben outrageously. When we returned to my place to watch a film it wasn’t me that she was draped over. I watched, amused as she did the things that she did to me to tease. I got to watch her making passes, pampering, massaging and loving. I was lucky enough to be with them in bed holding her in my arms as he took her virginity of sorts. Not that she had a hymen to break, but he was still her first male lover. Afterward, she argued that it was a gift to, in her words “thank him for saving Siam.” However, we all knew that it was more than that.  It was lust, desire, and love of the same sort Ben has for me. But out of respect for her, we let it lie.

We managed to move through the traumatizing events of our shared past and away from the conflicts and work towards something new and fresh. Taking the business and the brand, and even the family into new and different worlds. All this wonderful love as we waited. Looking back, it was such an amazing time.  Not knowing the crashing dip that awaited us just a few days after the events I’ve shared in this entry. This diary is to help me cope with what has happened in my life.  And so, I need time sometimes to write about everything. I am going to retreat to my Laura’s arms until I feel strong enough to relive the next few days in this tale, so until then.

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